Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
