Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
