I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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