Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
