Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
