My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
