i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
