oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
