hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
