Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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