I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
