I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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