she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize