Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
