Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
