Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
