Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize