Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
