jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
