If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
