Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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