Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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