The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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