You're so nebulous sometimes
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
