I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
her vagine was all disorganized.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize