Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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