y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
