Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
