The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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