Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
