I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
