I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
