i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
