I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
