I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You made out with two different species that night
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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