Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
COCAINE IS GR8
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize