Why does Corona taste like a burp?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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