just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I think pants incapable of making pants work
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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