Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
