did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
