Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
