I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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