So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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