I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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