Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
