so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
