Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think a kid would responsible me up
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
