people are starting to question the shark bite story
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
