I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
