Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
