Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
