Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
