Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
