I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
