she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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