He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
