can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Ketchup is God's man juice
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize