my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We have started to decorate penises.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
