In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
