Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
