I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
