FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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