yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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