We're facebook friends in real life
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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