I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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