I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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