he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
