i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
