I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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