I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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