guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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