tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
