I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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