Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize